The Vicious Cycle of Mothers


MOTHERS - this is your call to action. You are probably doing this one vicious thing and not even realizing it. Stop now!

We have all seen it. Those posts and comments of infuriated mothers battling out who has it worse: Stay At Home Moms or Working Moms. And these battles can get down right nasty. The things I have read, and even heard, mother’s say about each other is terrible!

Why are we doing this?!

If anything, we should be building each other up (in a perfect world I guess…). If anyone knows and genuinely understand the struggles we go through, it’s each other. We should be each other’s biggest allies not enemies!

The world is full of people looking to destroy one another, don’t be that person.

And often times, we do it without even realizing it. I know I have. Those quick little comments about “how nice it must be…” to either stay at home all day or go to work an socialize with actual people.

From experience, BOTH positions are hard. I have been a SAHM and I have also been a Working Mom. Each comes with their own perks and struggles.

When I was working, I loved dressing up everyday and interacting with others; but, my house was a constant wreck. I felt like I could never catch up on housework, dinners, spending time with the kids, and everything else I was missing out on while I was at work. And my entire weekends felt like they were dedicated to tackling something I was behind on (usually that mountain load of laundry and stack of grungy dishes pilling up in the sink).

I constantly thought how nice it would be just to be able to stay at home all day and get everything done!

Although, I have also been a SAHM (which I currently am now). I love waking up in the mornings and loving on my babies instead of rushing around. I love being able to stop what I am doing and give into the, “Mommy, snuggle with me.” Yes, my house is cleaner, but I still feel like there are a million things that need to be done. Staying in the house all day makes me realize how I really should organize under the sink, clean the walls, and all the other small tasks I would’ve never had the time to stop and realize before.

Even though I LOVE being home with my babies- they drive me insane 80% of the day! My son, who is 3, swears I am abusing them by making them play outside during the day (so I can get some of that cleaning done- I always say that cleaning your house with kids home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos…). Everyday he finds just the right moment to throw in the “and you left your kids outside alone! Why you do that?” — guilt trip 101. Let me add that while they think they are alone, I have every window open in our living room so I am constantly listening and keeping an eye on what they are doing. Which 99.9% of the time, is sitting on the trampoline steps complaining about how they don’t like being outside…

Staying at home all day leaves me just as exhausted as working outside of the home did. I feel like I have to live up to some great expectation to earn my rights to stay at home: spotless house, crafts with kids, making myself available for them, and every other Pinterest perfect mom idea.  Plus, it doesn’t take long to go stir crazy! Four walls start shutting in on you quickly when it’s all you see day after day. I count down the hours until my husband comes home so I can have an actual conversation with someone that doesn’t include how amazing Rubble’s rescue of Chick-a-letta was!

My point is, after much rambling-sorry, there are pros and cons to each: like everything else in life! 

So, why are we as mother’s trying to put down the other “group”? What does it matter who “works harder”? BOTH JOBS ARE HARD!!

And, it’s not even the snide comments or remarks mother’s use on each other during the battle of the mom’s that is the worse. It’s when you tell people what you do for a living- you can’t win for losing. “Oh, you’re a SAHM? Must be nice- did you even go to college? I could never burden my husband with the responsibility of earning all the income” … “Oh, you work? That must be hard on your kids, being practically raised by someone else. Do you even get enough time to spend with them before you have to send them off to bed?”

I mean, seriously?! These are the types of things people say to one another- or think in their heads. How terrible!

So What Should We Do?

It’s easy:

  • support each other! No one else will understand how peeing alone can be the greatest accomplishment of the day!
  • be sympathetic to needs that are different from your own: If you are a working momma, you may not understand how much the lack of social interaction may be effecting a SAHM -or- If you are a SAHM, you may not understand how much a working mom feels like she is sacrificing each day. But just because you don’t understand, doesn’t make their needs any less valuable!
  • stop being so quick to judge: just because you see all the perks of the other side and all of the struggles with your side doesn’t mean you need to be so hasty to accuse anyone of having it better!

Motherhood is hard, and it is the most important job we will ever have. Stop tearing each other down

All we are doing is making this job even harder by pitting one against the other. Society already does a good job at making anything other than the picture perfect, pinterest mom seem less than adequate. We know the reality of motherhood- don’t add to the burden of each other. Instead, unite and cherish these moments together, because before we know it they will be gone. And no matter our situation, SAHM/Working Mom, we will be wishing for it back to relive with our children over and over again.



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