This is a very impromptu post. As I woke up this morning to the sweetest text (congratulating us on 10 years together) I couldn’t help but feel all sorts of emotions about today. Let’s blame it on being 9 months pregnant…
Where the heck did the time go??
I still feel 17, young and naive, in love, and fearless of the world.
Okay, maybe I don’t. Actually, now that I think about it, I do feel old(er). great.
How simple it was 10 years ago today to be standing on a beach, without a care in the world, infatuated with a boy.
We didn’t have our beach day planned. We just woke up and decided to drive down for the day. Oh, the life…
I remember that day as clear as if it was yesterday (which doesn’t really say much, since I can’t actually remember what I did yesterday… but you get the idea)
Any time I was with him, I felt like the luckiest girl alive (still do). I loved walking around, flaunting him by my side. Never in a million years did I think someone like him would give me the time of day! And I SURELY didn’t think it would last.
I spent each day soaking up the fun, waiting for reality to set in. I even remember telling him, many times, “You’ll get tired of me soon.”
How attractive lol But, it’s what I truly believed. No one in my life ever really stayed, why would he be any different?
But he did stay.
He didn’t get tired of me (well, not enough to let me go anyway).
And here we are 10 years later with a beautiful home for our family, 3 wonderful children, and a life worth living together.
So, I decided that today I would write him an open letter. Who knows when he will stumble upon this. I doubt it will be today. It may not even be this month. But hopefully it will be a day when he needs hear this the most.
To My Husband, Hulk, and Best Friend,
I’d like to say, I bet you didn’t think we’d make it this far, but honestly you probably already knew we would. In 10 years, you’ve never doubted what we’ve had. You have always believed in us and what we could accomplish together. It has been you who has held us together for so long, or at least until I could realize that our relationship wasn’t like any relationship I had ever experienced in my life.
As you know, I didn’t know how to deal with a love like ours. Nothing in my life has ever compared to it. Nothing has ever prepared me for it. I spent many years often feeling abandoned and alone, never feeling good enough to make anyone stay.
Until you came along.
And even when you were in my life, I couldn’t let myself believe it would last. I put up a wall for such a long time, trying to protect myself from what I thought was the inevitable.
So many people had let me down in life, how could you – the greatest person I had ever met – want to keep me around when even they didn’t. It just didn’t seem possible.
But you never wavered.
I remember when you tried to tell me you loved me for the first time and I wouldn’t let you.
I couldn’t handle hearing that you loved me and thinking that it was just a fleeting feeling that wouldn’t last for you.
I remember telling you that we could say, “I heart you” instead. I knew that I loved you too, but it scared me. I didn’t think I could handle loving someone who I knew was too good for me, and would eventually realize that too.
So, I told you that we could say I heart you until the time came that we knew WITHOUT a doubt that we really did love each other. Not young puppy love, but real, lasting love.
And to be honest, it wasn’t long after that, when both of us knew without a doubt that we did have that love.
We were young and carefree. We didn’t know much about living in the real world. But we did know that we loved each other. And that soon became all that mattered to us.
You quickly became my best friend.
I never realized that you could fall in love with someone so much that the love would quickly consume your life. You became my world. Everything I did revolved around you and everything you did revolved around me.
Should we have taken some time to slow down? Possibly. But that’s just who we were. We became the center of each other’s world, and it has led us to where we are today. So I wouldn’t change that for the world.
Our life went on and we began growing up, together. We went off to college together (and came back from college – we had already hit the old married couple status by then & that lifestyle just wasn’t for us), we moved in together, we built a home together, and we began building a real life together.
Before we knew it, we were settling in to our marriage and the life of being parents. Which, I think, has been our best years yet.
We have faced trials and errors. We have made mistakes. But we have done it all without leaving the other’s side.
Life has handed us a few curve-balls, but they always seem overcome-able with you by my side.
Raising children is hard, and raising LB may be even harder, but I know we can do it – together. We don’t see eye-to-eye on certain scenarios. You like to be the big teddy bear while I have to assume the drill sergeant position, but that’s just who you are. And I love who you are.
I admire you more than I could ever explain. You are everything I wish I could be in life. You’re strong-willed and easily fight for what you believe in. You are not afraid to speak your mind and stand up for yourself (or your family). You are a born leader. It’s a role that comes naturally to you and one that you can successfully take on. You have so many talents: sports, ingenuity, independence, the list could go on. You are compassionate and, without a second thought, put the needs of others before your own. You are the true definition of selflessness.
There are many times that I still don’t understand how someone as amazing as you could want someone as average as me. But, I’m not complaining. I’ve somehow managed to keep you around this long, so I can probably hold it together a bit longer (;
I told you earlier today that if I have only done one thing right in my whole life, it was making you the father of my children. And I believe this with my whole heart. When I watch your love for them, I am in awe. You are everything a child needs in a father. You put their needs first; you realize the importance of being there for them and don’t miss out on anything in their lives; and, you make sure that they always know how much they mean to you.
Being able to watch you grow into a father that builds his children up, puts them first, and loves them unconditionally has been one of my favorite parts of going through life with you.
I am so thankful for the person you are.
When I was younger, 8-12ish, I honestly would pray every night for you. I would pray that you were out there somewhere growing into the husband I would need you to be, someone who would love me for me, and a person I could spend my life knowing would always be there. And you are. You are all of those things and more.
I never thought I would get to experience a love like this in my lifetime. Thank you for giving me this gift, for giving me your love.
I am not sure what I’ve done to deserve it, but I am so grateful for it.
I love you so much more than I could ever let you know. And, it’s one of my downfalls: I don’t tell you nearly as much as I should. But I do. You have been my first true love and if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have my others (our babies). Just like when we were younger, you are my world. I don’t ever want to have to experience this life without you.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me that I could be loved. And thank you for never getting tired of me.
I love you, boo<3