I was not raised in a very Christ centered household. My family went through years of in and out of church every Sunday. But, I always knew about God. My mother tried her best to lead us to Him, which planted a seed in my heart.
Now that I am a mother, I see myself spiraling down the same path. We have tried out churches in our area, but none that we felt “at home” with. I talk to my children daily about the importance of God. We pray together every morning and every night. I read them Bible stories before they God to bed. And I gently remind them that God is watching their actions each and every day.
But, as much as I have been encouraging God in their lives, I was coasting along without Him truly in mine.
A few years ago, my best friend bought me one of those “read in a year” Bibles. It sat in my closet for ages, until one night I decided to give it a shot.
I don’t want my children looking back thinking that their mother tried her best to lead them to God; I want them to look back a see how I was able to lead them to Him through example.
So then, began my journey.
To be honest, I felt lost.
I was entering a stage in my life where I was holding on to toxic relationships. I felt overwhelmed as a mother. And I didn’t know who to turn to.
When I began reading the Bible, it was not a “quick fix.”
I still felt lost, maybe even more lost because I did not know what I was supposed to be doing.
I would read and think, “Shouldn’t I be having these ‘ah-ha’ moments? Shouldn’t I be feeling His word?” But I wasn’t.
And then I began praying before I would even open my Bible.
I would pray for wisdom to understand His word, guidance to help me live by His word, and a light to shine through me to draw my family to His word.
It wasn’t just myself I was reading for, it was for them too.
My husband, just as much as my children, needed to experience the word of God.
He is a matter-of-fact, point blank, says it like he sees it kind of man. If he doesn’t have proof, then it’s not real. (He doesn’t even believe in Wheel-of-Fortune, he swears there is a man controlling what the wheel lands on).
Then one day this thought hit me, hard:
I can get myself to Heaven, but what will I say when God asks me why my family is not there with me?
That terrified me.
So I began praying, I began reading, and I began understanding.
Each night I read, I would make a connection with my life. I could see how God was drawing a bridge from the Bible to my heart. Not only that, but I could feel the change.
No longer did I feel the need to dwell on situations from my past, or hold on to people who only brought me down. I learned to be grateful for them and for the lessons in life they taught me, but I also learned that I didn’t need to continue the cycle – I had an option to let go.
I felt a change in who I was becoming, but, more importantly, I saw a change in my family as well.
My husband was finally interested in trying out a new church. He wanted to speak with the Pastor about God and all his questions (unfortunately, this never got to happen because it just wasn’t the right place for us). But his curiosity was sparked.
Jesus quickly became a common name in our household. My daughter (then 5) began praying to Him on her own when she felt like she was faced with a struggle. Which usually occurred at nighttime when she had to go to sleep, but the important part was that she would turn to Him for help. I would walk out of her room hearing her ask Him to help her go to sleep and to “feel better.”
I had to be doing something right, and I knew I wasn’t doing it on my own.
He was using me. I became a place for Him to shine through to my family.
This was such a big change from months before where I felt like I didn’t know if I was doing things right. I wasn’t sure if I was planting those seeds properly in my family’s hearts. But now I did.
However, to be honest, I still have much room to grow.
I am still learning to let go of the way of the world, to stop focusing on what the world wants from me, and instead focus on what He is asking from me.
We are still searching for a church to call our home. My husband still has many questions that I just cannot satisfactorily answer for him.
I still find myself questioning my ability to guide my family towards His path, but I also know that I would not be able to hold my head up as high today without Him.
Without the faith that I do have, I don’t think I would be able to stand where I am today – especially with everything we have going on with our sweet LB
(If you are not familiar, you can follow her journey by clicking here.)
I know the only reason I am able to make it through each day without begin consumed by worry is because I have faith in Him. My heart is in His hands and he reassures me that everything will be just fine. Our baby girl will be exactly the way she is meant to be, because He made her that way.
There is no sense in worrying over the “what-ifs” because He already has her path laid out for her. I know she has been brought into our world for a great purpose. Her life will be more than just her diagnosis and I will not spend it worrying over her 24/7 (maybe 23/6, but not 24/7 lol).
If I did not have Him as a rock in my life at this point, I would have crumbled a long time ago. I surely would not be able to write about her journey and I wouldn’t be able to think about her future without skepticism and doubt.
But, thankfully, I did turn to him in our time of need. He placed it upon my heart months before the thought of LB entered our lives, and began building that foundation for me.
And He can do the same for you.
Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you at a point in your life where you feel like you have no one to turn to or to understand you? I urge you to try what I did.
But don’t think it is a quick fix for everything. And it’s not a one way street. You cannot expect to just passively read a few verses and see miracles raining down in your life.
- Pray before you read the Bible
- Interact with the Bible – think about what it is saying and how you can make connections
- Don’t “turn off’ as soon as you shut the Bible – don’t let that be as far as He can take you
- Live your life by what you’ve read
We have only been given this one life here on earth. Don’t make it one you cannot answer to when you are called in front of His presence. We only get one shot – make it worth it.
Have you done something that has changed your life with God? Do you attend any online classes or found any resources? I’d love for you to share them with me!