I try to think back to all those moments I prayed to God.
Every ounce of me, that I could muster up, wholeheartedly believed that He would heal my baby.
However, despite my best efforts, my constant faith, my positive attitude…
God Did Not Heal My Baby.
I remember sitting in bed, 5 months pregnant (as big as a freaking elephant! Yes, at only 5 months pregnant. Thank you, giant husband), reading the bible. I began reading the story of Jesus healing a man who had been paralyzed for 38 years.
As I read this, and felt my little Lainey Bug kick around, I stopped in amazement.
I set my bible down and immediately thought of the story of the sick woman who traveled a long distance just to touch Jesus. She fought through the crowd, believing with all her heart that if she could touch just a piece of Jesus’ clothes she would be healed – and she was!
With my hand on my belly, I thought, if Jesus can heal them, He can heal her!
From that moment on, I knew that through my faith – God would heal LB.
As much as I could, I would squash my doubts, turn to God, and trust in Him. And that is how I was able to handle the rest of my pregnancy knowing LB had a hole in her heart, listening to the Doctors add more and more to her plate each time we went.
I didn’t break, because I knew God would heal her.
But he didn’t.
Every time we went to have an ultrasound done to check on her heart, I prayed that this would be the day the doctor would look me in the eyes and tell me we had all just witnessed a miracle. No scientific explanation – a complete miracle.
But that day never came.
Instead, I went into labor believing that when she was born – that’s when God would do His work. That would be the day of our great miracle.
But that never happened, either.
LB was born, with an actual larger hole in her heart than they had thought. In fact, she had two holes and a “leaky valve” – but they wouldn’t find all this out until her open heart surgery.
How could I have so much faith and still be wrong? How could I have believed in Him so fervently and LB was still born “broken”?
Even after her birth, and we found out that she still did have heart problems, I knew I still had to keep my faith.
I prayed for God to fix her. I prayed that it would be before her birth, before her surgery, before the heartache.
But, what I soon realized was that I was praying for all of this on my time.
God would heal her. He just had a bigger plan than some miraculous miracle.
His plans for her have always been greater than I could ever imagine.
And, I forget that sometimes.
Had He fixed her when I wanted, her journey would have been drastically different.
We would have categorized her as a miracle, doctors would have used her as an example as an oddity or “rare” case, and that would have been the end of it.
Our family would never forget – our hearts would have been forever thankful for all that we were able to miss out on: doctor visits, medicines, hospital stays, feeding tubes, surgeries.
But those are the parts that have made her journey so special. Now, trust me, they are HARD – on all of us. They are exhausting, costly, and sometimes depressing… but they have brought out so many good things too.
They have opened the doors to meeting new people, to encouraging others who are going through similar situations, to creating life-long connections with new friends.
These “set backs” have brought so many wonderful people into our lives, and so many wonderful opportunities.
We get to share LB’s stories. We have been able to raise money and help others in similar (or worse) situations. And, we aren’t even done yet.
Through all the hardship, all the tough cards that LB gets handed, her greater purpose shines through:
to help others, spread awareness, and inspire.
Her fighter spirit, determination, and strength is an inspiration to so many. And she doesn’t even know it.
That’s how I know she is right where God wants her to be.
She is living the toughest part of her life, fighting constant battles; yet, never losing her smile and always touching the hearts of others.
God has a greater purpose in her life than just healing her & moving on – I know everything she’s going through is leading her to where she is meant to be.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
“Blessings” by Laura Story