Often, in quiet moments, like while washing dishes or rocking LB to sleep- I think:
What if I could send a snapshot of this exact image to my past self? But, here’s the catch: I could only send what my eyes are looking at in this precise moment. No sound. No moving around to get a better look. Exactly what I see in front of me: pictures of a family in the distance on the walls, a house beautiful – but, well lived in, toys sprawled sporadically across the room, a feeding pump parked quietly in the corner. Would I look around and notice these tiny details? Would I feel the overwhelmingly grateful feeling that I am feeling now? Would I realize how wonderful my life ahead would be?
It’s a strange idea, but I think about it often. Maybe it is the way my brain is wired… maybe other people wonder the similar things. I’m not sure. But, it always gets me thinking.
Today (August 18th, 2017), my husband and I celebrate 11 years of dating – or “being together” as I like to call it.
I have always wondered, if I could send this snapshot of my life now to my younger self, would I be amazed at all we’ve accomplished?
This morning, as we layed in bed talking, it hit me. People often say, If you would have told me what my life would be like now, I never would have believed you. And, for a second, that thought crossed my mind when reflecting on where we have ended up these past 11 years.
But, then again, I shook my head.
Because, there always seemed to be a part of us that knew.
We never doubted our future together. Even from early on.
I don’t think, had someone sent us a snapshot of our lives together now, we would have stood their in awe.
I think we would’ve come to our senses, doe-eyed & smiling back at one another, knowing all along this is where our life would lead us.
Not even 20 years old, and we had our lives together planned out.
Not even out of high school, and we had Ry & K’s names picked.
Not even 2 weeks of dating, and we already knew we loved each other.
No, we haven’t had 11 years of perfectly planned bliss.
Dreams changed, reality set in, loved ones passed, and tragedy hit
But, all these unexpected curve balls have led us to where we are now. A place much better than we could have ever imagined.
3 beautifully, adored children.
A home filled with laughter –and just as much dirt (;
And, a love that has carried us through the times.
I love when these monumental moments arrive, bringing reflection.
They help put things in to perspective.
They help me appreciate all the small things in our lives – the things that matter the most.
They help give me gratefulness for all that we have.
And then I realize, how easily we take all that we have been given for granted. We, as humans, always tend to want more.
But, that’s not how we should look at our lives. That’s not how God wants us to look at our lives.
We tend to focus on everything we don’t have, than focusing on everything we do.
At some point in our lives, we have hoped, prayed, wished for what we have now.
We have thought, If only I could have this one thing – I would be happy.
Although, when the time comes and we get that ONE THING, the “eternal happiness” is short lived and we have already set our sights on something more.
It is hard to change this about ourselves. I know I am one of the biggest culprits.
If we could just afford for me to stay home with my babies, I’d be happy.
I literally prayed to God for this. Way before LB. Way before the blog.
Low-and-behold, I am now home with my babies. Is it the “ideal” situation I prayed for?
I did not pray that in order for me to stay home, I would have to tend to my child with special needs (not complaining one.bit.)
But, that’s how God works. Your answered prayers are not always how you thought they’d be.
However, now that I am home- like I prayed for – I find myself thinking
If I could make enough money to stay at home, take care of LB, and help Juston with the bills – I’d be happy.
Slowly adding a little bit more to my original request.
How ungrateful am I?!
God, answered my first prayer. I got what I wanted.
Yet, here I am wishing for more. Wanting more. Needing more.
Doesn’t that seem to be how it always works?
But, it shouldn’t be.
Remember that snapshot from before? Remember the gratefulness I felt when focusing on the little things?
The love in our house. The happiness in our family. The security in our future.
THAT is what we should be fixating on.
Everything we already have.
It’s a complete change of mindset. And, there is no way I can happen over night.
I’m not even fully at this point yet – but, I want to be.
I want to be thankful, grateful, and fully satisfied.
God has given me so much more in this life than I ever deserved.
So much more.
When realizing this, I can’t help but think of my family and know that…
If all we ever have in life is what we have now – that would be enough.
That would be enough.