Is it just me, or do you realize how evolution seems to just be some revolving door we are stuck in?
We think things evolve and change; but, really, they are just an adaptation of things of the past.
Take fashion for example. It’s a total revolving door.
Those “mom jeans” that are now all the rage … I would have died if I was caught in a pair of those in high school. But, now, because Kylie Jenner can pull them off after one baby and 35 plastic surgeries – it’s the new must.
You just wait for it, plaid skirts are going to make a come-back. That total Clueless style that we all tried to achieve as teenagers – it’ll be back! And, don’t forget me when it does. I’d like to take some credit for predicting the future (;
So, what about motherhood? What about women?
What is the evolution of women?
Well, it’s easy really. Just think about it.
Think back to those good ol’ shows Leave it to Beaver or Andy Griffith – what did motherhood look like then?
Polished Mothers.
Doting Wife.
Staying home all day to tend to everyone else’s needs.
It was very uncommon to find a working mother. Or, at least, you didn’t see them being put on display.
And, you definitely did not see a mom in the street with their “work-out” clothes on (even though working out is the last thing those yoga pants have seen).
Women were the staple that kept the house running. The glue that kept everyone intact.
The household objects that had some occasional use. Or, so they began to feel like.
And that’s when an evolution took place.
Women began standing up for themselves and fighting for the right to work, to an education, and to do more than clean a house.
It was a long hard road, but they won. Look at women now.
Working. Not just working but running billion dollar corporations.
Husbands who are willing to pick up the slack and help out around the house.
Societal views that have completely shifted from valuing homelife over individual achievements.
Women literally run the world.
But, are we satisfied?
Think about that for a moment.
Is a working mother satisfied? Does she feel complete satisfaction when she lays down her head at night and realizes that she forgot to ask her kid how their day was after she picked them up from daycare?
Is a CEO of an expansive corporation truly okay with the fact that she is now 45 and has no children to call her own? Does she feel satisfaction knowing that she will grow old with an extensive retirement account but no family to share it with?
Is that socioeconomic status really as satisfying as we once thought?
No. I don’t really think they are.
And, that’s where I see a shift in change again.
We are in the midst of another evolution.
Women are now fighting for validation in staying at home with their children.
They are fighting to earn the right to call raising a family their job.
And, they are longing for acceptance in wanting these things.
We are crossing a fence, a thin border, where people do not understand why a woman needs to be at home – not earning any income, not helping her husband financially. Why would women choose to do this?
It just seems selfish.
…to most.
Then, we have those who understand the desire and need to be home. Those who can see the rising cost of daycare, the children quickly growing, and realize the importance, to them, of being there for their family.
But, we are caught in this state of limbo. There are those who want to stay home and those who don’t see the advantage of staying home.
And, instead of supporting each other for their own decision, we are battling the other to prove one more valid than the next.
Today, women are made to feel guilty to want to stay home.
They are made to feel lazy, burdening, and financially draining.
If a woman chooses to stay home, many times, she also chooses to “work-from-home” (as best she can – because we all know to stay at home with your children 24/7 is not a full-time job…*insert eye roll*). She takes in other kids to watch or tries to find one of those legitimate “earning a full-time income while staying at home” Pinterest jobs.
But, it never works out.
Why?
Because then they quickly become overwhelmed and stressed out.
Overwhelmed and stressed out from staying at home? No.
Overwhelmed and stressed out because they do not feel like they are earning their keep for staying at home.
Earning their keep from their husbands, family, friends, and society as a whole.
Because let’s be honest, today’s world does not view it as “enough” to just stay at home with your kids.
And, it’s sad, because for many moms that’s all they want in life.
But, please, do not get this mixed up.
It’s not wanting to stay home and be lazy.
It’s not wanting to stay home and sit in your PJs all day watching Ellen (although, that is a great perk…)
It’s not wanting to avoid “getting a job.”
It’s wanting to avoid the harsh reality. The reality that will never change no matter the evolution of time –
Our babies will not be our babies forever.
Ask any mom today, who has grown children, if they could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I guarantee 90% of those moms would wish to go back and love on their babies a little longer, to cherish their childhood a little longer, to just be with them a little longer.
And, that’s what this group of mothers realize.
Our children are going to grow up – heck, they are already growing up! Why wish for the time back when you can have it right now?
Why fight for something that no one else sees as valuable?
Why put yourself in the constant judgeful eyes of others?
Why feel the crushing weight of guilt every day?
Because they are worth it.
20 years from now, I might look back and think,
“I wish I would’ve started my career sooner.”
“I wish I would’ve made more effort with my friends.”
“I wish I would’ve put myself first.”
But, you know what?
I won’t wish for putting my family first.
I won’t wish for things left undone with my children.
I won’t wish for stepping out of the norm and going against the current.
Because I will have done all that.
100 years ago, women were fighting for equal rights in the workplace. Women were fighting for the right to be valued as more than “just a mother.”
Today, women are fighting for the right to stay at home. Women are fighting to find the same value found in working full-time as being “just a mother.”
I am in no way taking away everything those women fought so hard to achieve. They put their entire heart, blood, and tears to be treated equally. But, I don’t think they also wanted women to be undervalued in choosing their family instead.
I think they wanted to give us the option to choose both. Not an ultimatum of one over the other.
Will we ever be satisfied in the next round of this evolution? I don’t know.
If the revolving door teaches us anything, I would say no. We will always want what we don’t have.
However, is it impossible for us to walk off of this merry-go-round and stand on a solid foundation of equality? Both for the working mom and the stay-at-home mom?
I think so.
I hope so.
Because, when our world can find value in each other – not because of what we choose to do or not to do, but because of what we are able to give back to society (through achievements, no matter if they are in the office or in the home) that is when true equality will begin.
