The Uninvolved Mom

“Rylee’s mom, right? I hardly ever see you.”

Jab, right. in. the. heart.

Last week, my oldest daughter had “parent’s week” at her dance studio. For those not so familiar with being a Dance Mom, like me, that’s when the parents come and watch all that the children have learned up to this point.

So far this year, this has been the second parent’s week I’ve attended. During this observation, just like the last time, the dance teacher had to throw that in there when she was handing out information packets- right in front of all the other parents. Just like last time. 

And, just like at the Christmas recital when she mistook me for a high school helper. She laughed it off saying that she “never sees me” & frankly doesn’t know who I am.

As if I already don’t beat myself enough about not being able to spread myself out wide enough to encompass all my kids, all at once.

The same thing happens at my son’s games.

Luckily, for my son’s sports, my husband is able to be the coach for all his activities.

So, I don’t have to attend every practice, because he’s there. 

I don’t have to keep up with what field, what time, and what uniform; because he does. 

Yet, when he happens to be late or I need to run up to the field, everyone looks at me like I am supposed to know what’s going on. Somehow I get asked fifty-million questions that my husband would effortlessly know the answer to; but, in that moment, I feel like they are speaking jibberish.

Then, I get the look of, “Oh yeah, that’s right. She’s never here.”

Cue #MomFail

Just so you understand, I am not purposely trying to be the unmistakable, uninvolved mom.

Thankfully, we have a wonderful helper a few days during the week, who can run my daughter up to her dance classes so I don’t have to pack up the other two kids for a 10 minute ride up the road, a 10 minute ride back, a 10 minute unloading the car ordeal, a 10 minute calm before another 10 minute pack up, for a 10 minute ride back up there… and you get where I am going.

Now, don’t bite my head off, I know what you are thinking.

She could just stay up there the whole time. 

Yes, you are right. But here is my problem:

Have you ever tried to preoccupy a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old in a dance studio or car for an hour and a half?!

It’s endless questions, ear-piercing cries, and a never-ending soundtrack to Moana.

Can you say, “Frazzled Mom” – because, that’s exactly what I turn into after just 10 minutes of that. Let’s imagine an hour and a half, twice a week.

No, thanks.

And, then, even when I do go…

I still don’t know what’s going on.

It’s like I go deaf when people are talking to me about important stuff. What a great personality trait to have, you must be thinking…

I just nod and smile, and smile and nod a little bit more while all the information is going in one ear and out the other. Then, someone comes to me to ask me something, or the next class happens, and I’ve completely forgotten what it was I was supposed to remember.

Then, I end up leaning over asking the other moms what the heck is going on.

During games, it takes me an entire inning to figure out where my son is on the field; and then when I do, they are running back to the dugout.

I swear I’m just not made for these things.

Sports Mom.

Dance Mom.

Heck, Super Mom.

They just aren’t me.

And… Cue the mom guilt, the internal shamming, and the complete inadequacy as a mom.

Yet, something hit me today.

As I was finishing up homeschooling, cleaning, doing laundry, and putting the baby down for her second attempt of a nap- in the midst of my hourly “you’re really not that great at this mom-thing” moment- it hit me.

I can’t be the only one. 

As bad as that “I never see you” hurt, as bad as I feel when my son tells me that all I do is “talk” at his game, as much as I feel like I fail- I can’t be the only one.

As moms, we seem to stretch ourselves so thin. And, we are so sensitive to what other people (other moms) think of us, that we forget we are all battling in some area or another.

Should I feel ashamed that I have help during my daughter’s classes? No, but I do.

Should I feel uninvolved because my husband is able to pick-up where I can’t? No, but I do.

And, I’m sure you do too. Maybe not for those exact reasons. But, there might be something that you feel like you’re not doing your best at as a mom.

When, in reality,

it’s not even that big of a deal.

Honestly, no one is probably even giving it half as much thought as you are.

We need to remember that our kids need us healthy, physically and mentally. And, if we are constantly beating down on ourselves. There is no way we are able to give them the positive role model they need.

I know it’s true for me.

So, if you can get help during the week: take it. 

If your husband is able to take something off your plate: let him. 

If your kid is doing too much, and you have to ask them to cut back a little: do it. 

Don’t feel bad about putting your sanity first, sometimes. I know we won’t do it all the time. But, we need to at least occasionally think about ourselves.

Right?!

Let me know, I’m not the only one who feels this way! Comment below with something you’ve been, or have, struggled with as a parent. Something that seemed monumental to you; but, when you really thought about it, realized it really wasn’t.

We tend to over think as mothers and parents. And, sometimes, we need the encouragement of others to tell us, it’s okay! You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters!!

Comment below and let’s encourage each other!

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