Why We Downsized from a 3,000 sq/ft House to a Fixer Upper Trailer

“Are we CRAZY?!”

Well, that depends on who you ask. Most people would probably say yes.

But, seriously, why in the world would we downsize and move our family of five from the house of our dreams into a tiny, fixer upper, trailer? Honestly, this post would probably be best if it started off with a little back story…

Juston and I were raised in that typical one-stop-light-everyone-knows-your-grandpa rural town. And we just couldn’t wait to leave it in the dust.

As young adults, we always dreamed of creating a life that was the opposite of what we had growing up: the suburbia life.

You know…

the one with houses all nicely in a row,

neighbors waving as they mow the lawn,

delivery cars carting in dinner for the hurried parents,

kids playing basketball in the street,

impromptu BBQ parties on the weekends…

that life.

We dreamed of it. We longed for it.

Somehow it just never seemed attainable, especially when I decided to homeschool. Moving from a rural (cheaper) area to this suburbian utopia just didn’t seem feasible on one income. But, by the Grace of God, after living ten years in that small town together, we did it.

We picked up our family and moved ourselves into that exact dream scenario. Our lives now look exactly like what we pictured. A gorgeous home filled with happy and healthy children. Neighbors who we trust & even like a little (; And food, oh the food. I’m almost positive DoorDash was sent straight from God himself.

Yet, two years in and suddenly without cause or reason, something seems… off.

In the beginning, I chalked it up to my ungrateful nature. Let’s face it, as humans, we are always searching for the next best thing. I think it’s our biggest flaw as a society. Nothing ever seems quite good enough. So, trying to be a less ungrateful person, I hushed those feelings and instead tried to soak in everything we had around us.

It worked. We updated rooms, painted walls, even grew a garden (it may only be a five gallon bucket garden, but a garden none-the-less), the kids started school — after years of homeschooling and a spiraling pandemic–, things looked to be going well. Picture perfect, almost.

Then, out of the blue, Juston and I both kept slipping in conversations about missing what we had…

Space.

Freedom.

Land.

Home.

Although, we kept the conversations subtle because we were sure the other wasn’t on the same page. This is crazy, right?! And slowly we started talking about the reality of these things. Suddenly, all that ungratefulness I thought I had came rushing up and got me thinking, maybe it couldn’t simply be chalked up to being unappreciative.

It wasn’t just me. We both felt this same nudge.

For the next few nights, I would lay in bed wondering are we crazy?! We have finally achieved every goal we set for ourselves as young-in-love-daydreamers. Nothing was “wrong.” There was no straw that broke the camel’s back, sending us hurrying back to the life we so eagerly left behind.

What is this?

This idea. This though. This voice that was echoing in not only my mind, but my husbands too. Where is it coming from? It’s almost like this wasn’t even ours…

Then, it hit me. Maybe it’s not.

I don’t remember where I heard it, or maybe even read it, but I remember learning that sometimes God speaks to us through ideas and thoughts that were not even on our radar. It’s these out of the blue, coming from left field ideas He places in our hearts and slowly they make their way to our minds and somehow find peace in our souls.

That’s the only way I can explain this. It makes no sense on paper (and it definitely makes no sense when my awkward self tries to form audible, real-life conversations about it. I’m pretty convinced my brain doesn’t work in public) but it feels right. And that’s all we’ve got to go off of.

With eager eyes, we started searching for land, which oddly enough led us to a piece of property right next to Juston’s step-father, Allen’s, house.

40 acres.

Winding driveway.

And cute little log cabin.

But, it wasn’t it.

We walked around in awe of the land and the house that was literally built by the owner’s hands. And as much as we admired the place, we just didn’t feel… it.

Leaving down the driveway, we bounced back different ideas. Things we liked, stuff we didn’t. Then before we knew it, our car went around a bend and seemed to automatically stop right at the spot that left Juston’s grandparent’s property right in front of us.

Unfortunately, in true 2021 fashion, this year was a total wreck for our family. We lost Juston’s mother and his grandparents within months of each other. So, driving near the home Juston grew up in and stopping in front of his grandparent’s house just hit us with a wave of emotions.

“Do you think Allen would want to ever sell that?” I whispered, looking at the pond from the road.

Reaching for his phone, “All we can do is ask,” and instantly, there were jitters.

The next week, Juston and I found ourselves walking around the property with kids running around, once again, daydreaming. Sheds that can be moved. Renovations that can be made. And a home that can be built.

Unexplainable excitement happened that day, just two minutes down the road from the house we spent our first ten years as a family in. Our first home. The one we so eagerly left in the rear view mirror.

That night I laid in bed thinking of that house and life. Are we crazy?! If this is where we are ending up, why didn’t we just stay in our first home. The home my Popa built, on my Popa’s land, with my Popa’s memories engrained into every inch of that place. Why? I gave all that up for this dream and now I’m just turning around and chasing after another. Why?

It makes no sense.

But, I guess that’s the point of faith. Knowing that I believe in a God that can see a future I can’t even imagine. A God that will put me in the right place at the right time for the right moment. It all comes down to the simple fact that He knows more than I do.

So with a leap and a prayer, we are going!

Going back home.

Going into a major downsized fixer upper.

And then diving head first into building a house, homeschooling three kids, and maybe even raising a few chickens.

Pray for me, y’all.